people can be so amazing…

sometimes I hate humans and I don’t want them anywhere near me. but often, when I actually manage to interact with others, they really surprise me in a very positive way. for example: after two months of athletic abstinence I got back to my weekly training sessions on Monday. unexpectedly, my crew was super supportive and lovely and I felt so freaking appreciated just for being myself. they all seemed genuinely happy to see me back in their midst. it was such an amazing feeling that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I just wanted to hug them all and kiss them. that would have been super inappropriate, but anyway: they are freaking great! and I realized how much I missed hanging out with these guys, even if it’s just once a week.

another touchy moment occured today when I said my goodbyes to my favorite team at work. even though we only work in the same building and generally interact with each other outside of work, they all took the time off their busy schedules to hang out and enjoy a meal together and just sit and talk. plus I got some flowers 🙂


it’s so sad to go away from them, but so nice to be supported and appreciated. it was very bittersweet, when the wave of warmth rolled over me again. twice in a week, you guys.

I am happy.

people can be so amazing…


gig #7 – the maga_zine release party

time flies so freaking fast…

last Friday we had our 7th concert at a beautiful spot in Bremen. it was kinda outside, even in the chilly October air still super cozy. afterwards Bittes said: “this was the best concert so far”, so he was quite pleased. I have no freaking idea how it sounded ’cause I couldn’t hear myself the later it got, and the smoke from the bonfire started itching in my throat. I enjoyed it very much, though.

half way through I read my poem, which was a totally bizarre experience in itself. but also I could see, that I am becoming more comfortable on stage, just doing my thing, enjoying the music. not thinking so much about my appearance and my stage presence anymore. just natural. it’s very nice.

I think people liked what they heard and maybe, just maybe, something else will come out of this. but I will only tell you when I am sure, so fingers crossed, please 🙂


pencil and ink

by now I am two weeks into inktober. and I’m quite surprised I haven’t given up yet. I had days during which I drew a couple of pieces and others during which I did zilch. nonetheless, I have gotten this far and I’ve already learned a couple of things:

  • I really really really enjoy drawing
  • my ideas are actually not so bad
  • my implementation is mostly amateurish and only rarely resembles beginner’s luck
  • I switch styles like I’ve never heard of it – it will take time to find my own
  • I’ve done worse
  • I really really really enjoy drawing


conclusion: I will continue ’cause I’ve rediscovered a passion (hurray)


too many ideas, too few skills

fucking hell…

in a couple of months there will – hopefully – be a finished album for Caan & Bittes. (this is major – exciting as, you guys!). because I am currently in the artsy zone, I have a fuck ton of ideas for the creation of the cover plus lyric booklet etc. in my mind I know exactly what it’s gonna look like (and it’s awesome as can be 😉 ). problem is: I dunno how to put it into action. I have only the tiniest knowlede of photoshop or gimp or whatever and I don’t even know if I have the necessary equipment to pull it of. on top of it all I have no patience – I am telling you: NONE AT ALL – when it comes to learning how to work a new programme during a stage at which I am already full of ideas I JUST want to get started on that very instance. phew. so, really, wtf…

okay. rant done. I guess I get the whole process started and try to learn to do this 😉


done and gone

it’s done.

just like that one year of employment is suddenly over. I turned in my bus ticket, my keys, my who knows what and said my goodbyes (which was not that easy to be honest). apparently I’ll be missed and if the new work situation doesn’t really work out, I can always come back. that’s good to know.

it’s done.

and just like that my stress levels are reduced a hundred fold. I still cannot really grasp that it’s not simply the weekend or a four day holiday. I suppose that needs more time. my body needs to adjust. but by now a weight has already been lifted off of my shoulders.

I’m gone.

alone in a place where I feel as comfortable as possible. the only thing missing is the beach and a view over the sea from my window. but well, let’s face it, we’re not in a cheesy TV show and one simply cannot have it all.

I’m gone.

off to new places in the future. new beginnings. more time for myself and my art and all that jazz.


gig #6 – afternoon delight

it was our (meaning Caan & Bittes) Bremen stage debut two Sundays ago. we were invited by the betty beatz concert group, which organizes queer feminist concerts and events in the city. I was pretty nervous because a) it was in my city, which meant that b) there would be some people I actually knew (who’d listen to us live for the very first time) and c) it was, well, within my own subculture, which Bittes isn’t really a part of. a triple threat so to say.


when we got there it was simply delightful, though. the double concert (after us played the Swedish queer folk band Junk River) was during the late afternoon in a room full of couches and relaxing decoration. there was delicious food before we went on stage and I felt super well taken care of. the audience was extremely attentive and appreciative. people were just sitting comfortably or lounging around the stage, watching us intentely or listening with their eyes closed. this must have been the best concert in terms of atmosphere ever. I was completely overwhelmed. it seemed as if everyone was not only taking in the songs but the meaning of the words and I loved loved loved it. I will keep this memory cherished for ever (and there’s a video of the whole concert, so I won’t be able to forget anyway). 😉